[Slowhand] New Ideas to complain...

[Fabio Dwyer]

Why Clapton ticket sales are decreasing in the last years? It's SO easy to 
answer. Playing songs like Got to get better in a little while, Anyday, I am 
yours, all the Robert Johnson stuff, Cream reunion concerts, making all 
those tributes to George Harrison, John Mayall, B.B. King, 
mega-guitar-gathering (Xroads Fest) blues tours, Legends tour, having a 
3-guitarrists in his band (and I'm not talking about George Terry & AFL), 
doing all this "shit" from the last 10 or 12 years, OF COURSE his tickets 
sales and popularity that had reached a peak with Unplugged-era had to 
decrease. We have so much to complain about him as hardcore fans we are. We 
asked for the John Mayall and Cream revival; we asked for D&D songs; we 
asked for more blues and less-singing-more-guitar.

ARE YOU 
DEAF??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Now we can plan another reasons to complain about him:

1- Why does he took SO LONG to do what we asked, (don't forget we are your 
boss, Eric!)? He was lazy to do all that, expired all the deadlines we gave 
him. So let's call Mr. Brown from the Human Resources Dept. to fire this Mr. 
Clapton. He's definitely incompetent, should return to wodden work, or go to 
work with glass-art market.

2-Ok, we asked for blues, he gathered with B.B., Mayall, and did 2 projects 
in a row about RJ. Why he did 2 projects in a row? He was repetitive and 
obsessive about Robert Johnson, where's the Mississippi John Hurt's tribute 
album? Why he didn't sang as good as B.B.? Why he didn't invited Mick Taylor 
and Buddy Withignton to show these lads a lesson, why didn't he kicked their 
asses out of the stage in JM Bday's, that's not about music, we all know 
that guitar playing is about gladiators battles!

3- Ok, he did the Legends tour... But why he didn't invited Ernie Watts to 
sax? Why he didn't played *that* Lydian Flat 7 scale in those lenghty guitar 
solos, and most important, why, for the sake of the good Lord he played that 
horrible golden leaf strat instead of Blackie?

4- Why he didn't do a *real* Derek & Dominos reunion... oh, I forgot, Duanne 
is dead, Carl is dead too and Jim Gordon is not available anymore... well, 
it's Eric's fault anyway. It's HIS job to find a solution for that ASAP, 
otherwise he'll got fired!

5- Crossroads guitar fest sucked because he didn't invited (or couldn't get) 
our favorite players Mark Knopfler, Peter Green and Joe Satriani. You should 
be ashamed, Mr. Eric, tsc,tsc,tsc.

6- Cream Reunion? Duh, where're the backing vocals? They didn't play 
Wonderful Tonight, but played Badge and Sunshine, both songs are *clearly* 
overplayed in his concerts, so he might drop out both, and where's Mother's 
Lament, Blue Condition and What a Bringdown?

Eric, wake up man! You might record and American Standards Songbook cd (in 4 
volumes) to recover your high sales, or we, from Slowhand Digest Record Co. 
are going to put you on the shelf for some your in order to teach you a 
lesson, your lazy and insolent guitar player!

Your,
Mr. Gladstone
______________________________
CEO of Slowhand Digest Record Co.,
President of the Betrayed Fans Union