From ecooper1 at optusnet.com.au Thu Aug 2 02:50:13 2007 From: ecooper1 at optusnet.com.au (Euan Cooper) Date: Thu, 2 Aug 2007 16:50:13 +1000 Subject: JOKE: Who?!? 4/5 Message-ID: During a course in human sexuality, the instructor was discussing various items in the Kinsey report. The class members gasped audibly when the instructor read out that a woman had several hundred orgasms in a single session. A male voice said, "Wow, who was she?" A female voice followed with, "The hell with that...who was *HE*?!" From ecooper1 at optusnet.com.au Thu Aug 2 03:04:40 2007 From: ecooper1 at optusnet.com.au (Euan Cooper) Date: Thu, 2 Aug 2007 17:04:40 +1000 Subject: JOKE: Marriage 4/5 Message-ID: An elderly couple in a small town had been dating for a long time. At the urging of their friends, they decided it was finally time for marriage. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation on how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. 'How do you feel about sex?' he asked. 'Well,' she said, responding very carefully, 'I'd have to say - I would like it infrequently.' The old gentleman, Louis sat quietly for a moment, then over his glasses, he looked her in the eye and asked 'Is that one word or two?' From ecooper1 at optusnet.com.au Fri Aug 3 06:49:43 2007 From: ecooper1 at optusnet.com.au (Euan Cooper) Date: Fri, 3 Aug 2007 20:49:43 +1000 Subject: JOKE: Sam the Seagull 5/5 Message-ID: July 23, 2007 -------------- next part -------------- A non-text attachment was scrubbed... Name: seagullcrisps.jpg Type: image/jpeg Size: 13117 bytes Desc: not available Url : -------------- next part -------------- Sam the Seagull turns chips shoplifter by Gulliver A Scottish seagull has turned shoplifter and cheekily strolls into a newsagents to help itself to packets of chips. The bird, named Sam by locals, steals only its favorite cheese Doritos chips and makes off outside with them to share them with his feathered pals. Sam has become so popular with locals that they have started paying for his chips. The bird made his first swoop on RS McColl newsagents in Aberdeen earlier this month and took his first 55p ($1.13) packet. He is now a regular, wandering in through the shop door when it's open and helping himself. Outside the bag is torn open and the chips shared with other birds. Shop worker Sriaram Nagarajan said: "Everyone is amazed. For some reason he only takes that one particular kind of chips." "He waits until there are no customers around and I'm standing behind the till, then he raids the place. At first Mr. Nagarajan didn't believe a seagull was capable of stealing chips. Having seen it with his own eyes he was surprised how skilful a shoplifter Sam was. "He's becoming a bit of a celebrity. Seagulls are usually not that popular but Sam is a star because he's so funny," he added. The Royal Society for the Protection of Birds in Scotland said they had never heard of anything like it before. A spokesman said gulls can be very quick and fearless, and clearly Sam was no exception. However, they would discourage people from feeding gulls, as gulls in towns generate a lot of complaints every year, and the availability of food is the only reason they live in urban settings. From nicholas at nicholaspyers.com Wed Aug 15 21:42:14 2007 From: nicholas at nicholaspyers.com (Nicholas Pyers) Date: Thu, 16 Aug 2007 11:42:14 +1000 Subject: JOKE: 13 reasons to say "HOLY SH*T" [5/5 A] References: Message-ID: <61BE8629-6B8E-415B-8F70-3C3EBEA181AF@nicholaspyers.com> [Thanks to Mary for these] -------------- next part -------------- A non-text attachment was scrubbed... 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Name: Holy(4).jpg Type: image/jpeg Size: 47043 bytes Desc: not available Url : -------------- next part -------------- -- Nicholas Pyers (nicholas at nicholaspyers.com) "Heaven on Earth?" "No, Earth on Earth. The Just Earth!" From nicholas at nicholaspyers.com Thu Aug 16 01:48:55 2007 From: nicholas at nicholaspyers.com (Nicholas Pyers) Date: Thu, 16 Aug 2007 15:48:55 +1000 Subject: JOKE: Careful with webcams (5/5 E) References: <9F812DD3-D0A3-4721-B9FB-38BBCEF4C4B4@hibiscuswarehouse.com.au> Message-ID: <94DB6359-5ED9-4D97-B077-F2589D9356D2@nicholaspyers.com> [Thanks to Paul for this one] -------------- next part -------------- A non-text attachment was scrubbed... Name: pub-internet-soa-cybersex.wmv Type: video/x-ms-wmv Size: 1432187 bytes Desc: not available Url : -------------- next part -------------- -- Nicholas Pyers (nicholas at nicholaspyers.com) "Heaven on Earth?" "No, Earth on Earth. The Just Earth!" From ecooper1 at optusnet.com.au Thu Aug 16 03:48:52 2007 From: ecooper1 at optusnet.com.au (Euan Cooper) Date: Thu, 16 Aug 2007 17:48:52 +1000 Subject: JOKE: Medical distinction 4/5 Message-ID: <93443c395995baae8d8ddf9e36384502@optusnet.com.au> We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below... GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?" BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next, fatty." I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately result in death. From ecooper1 at optusnet.com.au Thu Aug 30 07:18:47 2007 From: ecooper1 at optusnet.com.au (Euan Cooper) Date: Thu, 30 Aug 2007 21:18:47 +1000 Subject: JOKE: The amazing Maori 4/5 Message-ID: <405014e9678e49b72e872ca6dfc65bda@optusnet.com.au> An Aussie salesman drove into a small town in the far south of New Zealand, where a small circus was playing. A sign read: "Don't Miss the Amazing Maori." The salesman bought a ticket and sat down. There, under the Big Top, in the centre ring, was a table with three walnuts on it. Standing next to it was a middle aged Maori. Suddenly, the Maori dropped his pants, whipped out his huge male member and smashed all the walnuts with three mighty swings! The crowd erupted in applause and the Maori was carried off on their shoulders. Fifteen years later the salesman visited the same little town, found the same circus, and saw the same faded sign that read, "Don't Miss the Amazing Maori." He couldn't believe the old guy was still alive, much less still doing his act! He bought a ticket. Again, the centre ring was illuminated. This time, however, instead of walnuts, three coconuts were placed on the table. The old Maori stood before them, then suddenly dropped his pants and smashed the coconuts with three swings of his amazing member. The crowd went wild! Flabbergasted, the salesman requested a meeting with him after the show. "You're incredible!" he told the Maori, "but I have to know something. I saw your act 15 years ago, and you were using walnuts. Why the switch from walnuts to coconuts?" "Well," said the Maori, "my eye sight isn't what it used to be."