From ecooper1 at optusnet.com.au Sat Nov 3 01:46:18 2007 From: ecooper1 at optusnet.com.au (Euan Cooper) Date: Sat, 3 Nov 2007 16:46:18 +1100 Subject: JOKE: Engineering 3/5 Message-ID: Engineers Patrick and Seamus (Dublin mechanical engineers) were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A blonde woman walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Patrick "but we don't have a ladder." The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement, announced, "5 metres," and walked away. Seamus shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a blonde! We ask for the height and she gives us the length! From ecooper1 at optusnet.com.au Sat Nov 10 03:56:32 2007 From: ecooper1 at optusnet.com.au (Euan Cooper) Date: Sat, 10 Nov 2007 19:56:32 +1100 Subject: JOKE: Music for Lovers 5/5 Message-ID: <07b01801d477e6debd58daf0d8e6c6e7@optusnet.com.au> A non-text attachment was scrubbed... Name: unknown.gif Type: image/gif Size: 288579 bytes Desc: not available Url : -------------- next part -------------- From ecooper1 at optusnet.com.au Tue Nov 13 11:29:54 2007 From: ecooper1 at optusnet.com.au (Euan Cooper) Date: Wed, 14 Nov 2007 03:29:54 +1100 Subject: JOKE: The E-mail blessing 4/5 Message-ID: <193bef76a9f0350e5fdc02d4921bb91c@optusnet.com.au> Peace be unto you, your computer and the e-mail you receive this day. May the mail you receive not require you to multiply it tenfold or return it within a limited time frame. May the mail you receive not require you to take action to prove Your love, friendship, or concern for the welfare of the sender. May the mail you receive not start with Fw Fw Fw, not contain strangely named attachments and contain a "<" for every ">." May the mail you receive not require you to look closely at Those on the playground to see if they are the non-missing children You are to be searching for. May the mail you receive not cause you to change Your eating habits to avoid plagues, pestilence and the eating of parts of things that you can't buy at K-Mart. May the mail you receive not encourage you to carry a steel Plate on which to sit in theaters or other public places. May the mail you receive not encourage you to learn the 800 Number for the National Missing Child Bureau, Center for Disease Control or the FCC. May your inaction to the mail you receive not cause the Death of monks, missionaries, mothers or the misguided. And above all may peace and harmony be yours until Tomorrow. From swelker-zonian-jokes at nemostar.com.au Sun Nov 25 02:05:55 2007 From: swelker-zonian-jokes at nemostar.com.au (Stephen Welker) Date: Sun, 25 Nov 2007 18:05:55 +1100 Subject: JOKE: The 'middle wife' References: <003501c82f30$2a2df610$0200a8c0@terry3739de271> Message-ID: The "Middle Wife" by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome. Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday." "First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord." She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement. "Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning. "My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this." Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall. "And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!" This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much! "Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-centre, so there must be a lot of toys inside there." Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another "Middle Wife" comes along. Now you have two choices... laugh and close this page or pass this along to someone else to spread the laughs. I know what I did!!! Live every day as if it is your LAST chance to make someone happy!