From ecooper1 at optusnet.com.au Fri Aug 1 01:16:17 2008 From: ecooper1 at optusnet.com.au (Euan Cooper) Date: Fri, 1 Aug 2008 15:16:17 +1000 Subject: JOKE: Paddy & Colleen4/5 Message-ID: Paddy and Colleen were making passionate love in Paddy's mini van when?suddenly Colleen, being a bit on the kinky side, yells out 'Oh big boy,?whip me, whip me!' Paddy, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously did not?have any whips on hand, but in a flash of inspiration, he opens the?window, snaps the antenna off his van and proceeds to whip Colleen until?they both collapse in ecstasy. ? About a week later, Colleen notices that the marks left by the whipping?are starting to fester a bit so she goes to the doctor. The doctor takes?one look at the wounds and asks, 'Did you get these marks having sex?'?Colleen, a little embarrassed that she has slept with Paddy [let alone?that she allowed the kinky boy to whip her] eventually admits that, yes,?she did. ? Nodding his head knowingly, the doctor exclaims, 'I thought so, because?in all my years as a doctor you've got the worst case of van aerial?disease that I've ever seen'. From ecooper1 at optusnet.com.au Thu Aug 14 06:54:25 2008 From: ecooper1 at optusnet.com.au (Euan Cooper) Date: Thu, 14 Aug 2008 20:54:25 +1000 Subject: JOKE: Rights and wrongs 4/5 Message-ID: <9dcf79a1bf5bf613acf8026413794b02@optusnet.com.au> An attorney arrived home late, as he usually did, so that the children would be bathed and fed and in bed and life would be sweet. This time he had actually had a tough day trying to get a stay of execution for a rich client who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out. As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife protested, "Where have you been? 'I cooked your favourite meal and now it's cold and I'm not reheating it'. With an intimidating scowl, he went upstairs for a hot shower. While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight. Realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to forgive all and went upstairs to give him the good news. As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, naked, bending over drying his feet. 'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said. To which he whirled around and shouted, 'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP? From nicholas at nicholaspyers.com Wed Aug 27 06:36:27 2008 From: nicholas at nicholaspyers.com (Nicholas Pyers) Date: Wed, 27 Aug 2008 20:36:27 +1000 Subject: JOKE: Yet another QANTAS incident [5/5 A] References: <1213.203.54.24.145.1219828910.squirrel@webmail4.pair.com> Message-ID: A non-text attachment was scrubbed... Name: QANTAS Runway Disaster.jpg Type: image/jpeg Size: 152233 bytes Desc: not available Url : -------------- next part -------------- -- Nicholas Pyers (nicholas at nicholaspyers.com) "Heaven on Earth?" "No, Earth on Earth. The Just Earth!" From nicholas at nicholaspyers.com Thu Aug 28 02:07:13 2008 From: nicholas at nicholaspyers.com (Nicholas Pyers) Date: Thu, 28 Aug 2008 16:07:13 +1000 Subject: JOKE: Resemblance... (5/5 B] References: Message-ID: <67D31DF8-EDBF-470D-9B9D-8AEBB1E29615@nicholaspyers.com> "Frankly, I can't see the resemblance. .." -------------- next part -------------- A non-text attachment was scrubbed... Name: image001.jpg Type: image/jpeg Size: 29325 bytes Desc: not available Url : -------------- next part -------------- -- Nicholas Pyers (nicholas at nicholaspyers.com) "Heaven on Earth?" "No, Earth on Earth. The Just Earth!" From ecooper1 at optusnet.com.au Thu Aug 28 06:46:32 2008 From: ecooper1 at optusnet.com.au (Euan Cooper) Date: Thu, 28 Aug 2008 20:46:32 +1000 Subject: JOKE: At the doctors 4/5 Message-ID: <108cdce0db260cad6fc971bb975729d7@optusnet.com.au> A physician claims these are actual comments from his patients made while he was performing colonoscopies. 1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before." 2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?" 3. "Can you hear me NOW?" 4. "Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!" 5. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?" 6. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married." 7. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?" 8. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the Hokey Pokey..." 9. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!" 10."If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!" 11. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity." 12. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?" 13. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?" From coolowl at hotkey.net.au Wed Aug 27 12:58:17 2008 From: coolowl at hotkey.net.au (Elaine de Saxe) Date: Wed, 27 Aug 2008 16:58:17 -0000 Subject: JOKE: Joke for considertion Message-ID: A woman is in the bar of a cruise ship and asks the bartender for a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says, ?I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today.? The bartender says, ?Well, since it's your birthday, this drink's on me.? As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, ?I'd like to buy you a drink for your birthday too.? The woman says, ?Thank you. Bartender, I'll have a Scotch with two drops of water.? ?Coming up,? says the bartender. As she finishes her drink, the man to her left says, ?I'd like to buy you one too.? The woman says, ?Thank you. Bartender, I'd like another Scotch with two drops of water.? ?Coming right up,? says the bartender. As he gives her the drink, he says, ?Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?? The woman replies, ?Sonny, by the time you're my age you've learnt how to hold your liquor. Water, however, is a whole different story.?