From nicholas at nicholaspyers.com Tue Oct 21 02:40:09 2008 From: nicholas at nicholaspyers.com (Nicholas Pyers) Date: Tue, 21 Oct 2008 17:40:09 +1100 Subject: JOKE: Switch [5/5E] Message-ID: <6B3685FF-1C22-4B2A-9F89-01C525FD9978@nicholaspyers.com> A non-text attachment was scrubbed... Name: Viagra.jpg Type: image/jpeg Size: 21454 bytes Desc: not available Url : -------------- next part -------------- -- Nicholas Pyers (nicholas at nicholaspyers.com) "Heaven on Earth?" "No, Earth on Earth. The Just Earth!" From nicholas at nicholaspyers.com Mon Oct 27 00:28:33 2008 From: nicholas at nicholaspyers.com (Nicholas Pyers) Date: Mon, 27 Oct 2008 15:28:33 +1100 Subject: JOKE: Trucker's Breakfast [5/5] Message-ID: <7CAE9611-C85D-441A-A96C-4BAD93BFCADD@nicholaspyers.com> [Thanks to Noel for this gem] A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order.  He said, 'I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.'  The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, 'This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running Boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?' 'No,' the cook said. 'Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon. 'Oh, OK! ' said the blonde. She thought about it for amoment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.  The trucker asked, 'What are the beans for Blondie?  She replied, 'I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up! FOR ONCE THE BLONDE GETS EVEN!!!!!  -- Nicholas Pyers (nicholas at nicholaspyers.com) "Heaven on Earth?" "No, Earth on Earth. The Just Earth!" From nicholas at nicholaspyers.com Wed Oct 29 00:50:49 2008 From: nicholas at nicholaspyers.com (Nicholas Pyers) Date: Wed, 29 Oct 2008 15:50:49 +1100 Subject: JOKE: Benefit of a Catholic Education [5/5] Message-ID: <98CEF3C4-175E-4289-9547-509D4F6068AA@nicholaspyers.com> [Thanks to Noel for this one] **Benefit of a Catholic Education** Little Morris Cohen was doing very badly in maths. His parents had tried everything: tutors, mentors, flash cards, special learning mathematics. Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Morris down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school. After the first day, little Morris came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't even kiss his mother hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying. Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Morris was hard at work. His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner; to her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before. This went on for some time, day after day while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference. Finally, little Morris brought home his report card. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books.With great trepidation his Mum looked at it and to her great surprise, little Morris got an "A" in maths. She could no longer hold her curiosity. She went to his room and said: "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?" Little Morris looked at her and shook his head, "No" "Well, then", she replied, "Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? WHAT was it?" Little Morris looked at her and said,"Well, on the first day of school, when I saw that guy nailed to the Plus Sign, I knew they weren't mucking around." -- Nicholas Pyers (nicholas at nicholaspyers.com) "Heaven on Earth?" "No, Earth on Earth. The Just Earth!" From ecooper1 at optusnet.com.au Thu Oct 30 12:20:33 2008 From: ecooper1 at optusnet.com.au (Euan Cooper) Date: Fri, 31 Oct 2008 03:20:33 +1100 Subject: JOKE: THE BEAR AND THE RABBIT 5/5 A In-Reply-To: <6CF24BE6B6F4C043BA04153A14A841BB06116090@HWTSGTEXCH01V.news.newslimited.local> Message-ID: THE BEAR AND THE RABBIT -------------- next part -------------- An HTML attachment was scrubbed... URL: -------------- next part -------------- A non-text attachment was scrubbed... Name: not available Type: image/jpeg Size: 159722 bytes Desc: not available Url : From ecooper1 at optusnet.com.au Sat Oct 18 00:38:48 2008 From: ecooper1 at optusnet.com.au (Euan Cooper) Date: Sat, 18 Oct 2008 04:38:48 -0000 Subject: JOKE: New Zealand condoms 4/5 Message-ID: Helen Clarke, Prime Minister of New Zulland, is rudely awoken at 4 am by the telephone. 'Hillen, its the Hilth Munister here. Sorry to bother you at this hour but there is an emergency! I've just received word thet the Durex fectory en Auckland has burned to the ground. It is istimated the the entire New Zulland supply of condoms will be gone by the ind of the week.!!!' PM: 'Shut - the economy wull niver be able to cope with all those unwanted babies - wi'll be ruined!' Hilth Munister: 'We're going to hef to shup some in from... Brutain?...' PM: 'No chence!! The Poms will have a field day on thus one!' Hilth Munister: 'What about Australia ?' PM: 'I'll call Kevin Rudd - tell hum we need one million condoms; ten unches long and eight unches thuck! That way they'll continue to respect the All Blacks!!' Three days later a delighted Hillen rushes out to open the boxes. She finds condoms; 10 unches long; 8 unches thuck, all coloured green and gold. With small writing on each one......... 'MADE IN AUSTRALIA - SIZE: MEDIUM' Ozzie Ozzie Ozzie .... Oy Oy Oy -------------- next part -------------- An HTML attachment was scrubbed... URL: