From ecooper1 at optusnet.com.au Mon Sep 15 03:28:30 2008 From: ecooper1 at optusnet.com.au (Euan Cooper) Date: Mon, 15 Sep 2008 17:28:30 +1000 Subject: JOKE: Booze bus 4/5 Message-ID: Two Aboriginals were driving their old Ford Falcon in the outback one day, when off in the distance they saw a police booze bus. One of them thinks "this is great" and heads straight for it. As they pulled up, the driver winds his window down and says "Two cans of Emu Export thanks mate!" The copper looks at him and says "You must be drunk! Get out of the car and blow into this tube for me." The driver got out of the car and said "Sorry boss, I can't blow in that. I got a letter from the doc saying I'm asthmatic and I'll pass out if I blow in that." The cop looks at him and with a bemused look and says "OK In these cases we require you to give a blood sample." "Nah nah sorry boss. Can't be doin' that. I got a letter from the Red Cross saying I'm a Haemophiliac and I could bleed to death. Sorry boss, can't do that," said the driver. By now the copper is getting fairly irate and finally demands a urine sample for testing. The driver looks at him and says "Sorry boss, can't do that either." The copper says "Surely you can't have a letter for that!!!" "Bloody oath mate." says the driver, "It's from Kevin Rudd he has apologised and says that you whites can't take the piss out of us blackfellas no more." From nicholas at nicholaspyers.com Fri Sep 26 20:23:10 2008 From: nicholas at nicholaspyers.com (Nicholas Pyers) Date: Sat, 27 Sep 2008 10:23:10 +1000 Subject: JOKE: Hell [10/5] Message-ID: <262602CB-C4F8-456E-A150-DAA10AF84F00@nicholaspyers.com> [Thanks to Noel for this one] HELL EXPLAINED WRITTEN BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT  The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term. The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle 's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle 's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities: 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. 2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over! The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.' THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+. -- Nicholas Pyers (nicholas at nicholaspyers.com) "Heaven on Earth?" "No, Earth on Earth. The Just Earth!"