[Slowhand] more funny stuff from same article (with some EC content again)

[Sam Mangano]

John Mayer
Mayer is to Hendrix what Bolton was to Otis. 

Anyone who has heard "Your Body Is a Wonderland" knows that this guy is a total hack -- a sterile cum stain on the legacy of rock music. His lyrics are little more than calculated come-ons. His guitar work is better tagged "easy listening" than "rock." I wouldn't even compare the creep to Christopher "Sailing" Cross. The dude even has an on-and-off-again relationship with Jessica Simpson, which makes her look like the idiot. 

Still, this shaggy-haired frat boy has managed to fool critics into believing that he's brilliant. In February, Rolling Stone crowned Mayer the new "guitar god," proving that poor Jann is so painfully out of touch, he probably couldn't tell rock and roll from his own asshole. 

Then, last month, Time named Mayer one of the "Most Influential People of 2007." Esquire didn't even bother to write an article on Mayer -- they just handed him a spot as a guest columnist. 
Hopefully, by 2027 -- when Mayer's eligible for enshrinement -- people will come to their senses. But it's doubtful. Everyone compares Mayer to Eric Clapton. David Fricke, RS's most famous resident idiot, nicknamed him "Slowhand Jr." 

At first, the reference is puzzling. Clapton's work for the Yardbirds was sturdy, his legacy with Cream astounding. But then you're reminded of "Tears in Heaven" and Babyface collaborations, and it all makes sense. Mayer is the watered-down version of watered-down Clapton. He's a MOR fan's dirtiest wet dream. 

In fact, Mayer is probably the perfect pick for the Rock Hall in 2027. He's got all the skills of a rock god's waning solo career (see: Sting), and he's just getting started. 


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